A not so short letter to my 4 year old

Dearest Gaby,

It may seem strange to you that I am typing a letter to you, that too when I see you every day but there were so many things I wanted to tell you but which you just wouldn't understand right now. Years later when you grow older, you are likely to come and ask me 'Mama, what kind of a child was I?' and at that time I don't want to dither for answers. The only reason why I'm likely to scratch my head and think hard about the many things you used to do as a child, is because I'm sure a deadly combination of senility and amnesia would have set in by then. Coming to think of it, as we grow older, for some reason we all want to hear little snippets about our childhood and the naughtier the incidents; the happier we are.

Some day I'm hoping that you will yourself sit down and read all the entries in this blog. But for now, this is what I'd like to say to my first-born:

1. I love looking into your big eyes because they are the only and maybe the best feature you have inherited from me. And they reflect everything- your happiness, a sparkle when you have done something naughty, a teardrop when you are in pain and a 100 other emotions that I know only too well.

2. Your sense of humor is so charming and it's only going to get better as your grow older. You've already figured out that imitating others, making faces, cracking a witty one-liner or your usual 'Pleeazzz' will make others smile. Don't forget to laugh at yourself sometimes too when you grow older. You'll find that it makes you stay grounded and humble.

3. Your grandma loves to whine that the house has become messier after you and I have come here. And I love that. Because a house is always just a building made of bricks and cement, till a child comes and makes it a home. I know you've secretly added a few of your masterpieces on the walls (your grandma hasnt seen them yet and when she does, run! But till then I won't tell :-) ), that your fingerprints can be clearly spotted on the glass cupboards and your toys are everywhere but in their toy box and I love that so much. And I also know that although you say you don't love grandma, you miss her so much when she isn't around. Dont worry, she already knows how much you love her too even though you never hesitate to state otherwise.

4. Since you are the first boy to be born in my side of the family, I can honestly say that you came as a breath of fresh air to your dada. Having been surrounded by 3 women for a good part of his life, finally some testosterone came our way :-) And if you've noticed, your dada very subtly buys biscuits claiming that they are for you and royally finishes them up on his own. (that's another secret we won't tell grandma).

5. I know that bringing you back from Singapore and the whole change in atmosphere was anything but easy for you. But you've adapted so beautifully that I think it's as much your victory as it is mine. I also noticed that you've become naughtier and these days you behave like some invisible leash has suddenly been taken off you. I take that as a sign that this move was just what was needed for you. And me.

6. The last time I saw you biting your nails, you told me ' Mama, my tooth is coming loose' just as an excuse (did you think I was born yesterday?). I know exactly what you were up to and although I do not advocate such blatant twisting of facts or an over hyperactive imagination, my heart was secretly doing a tap dance and I was struggling to control my lopsided smile that was just aching to come out. In short, I wanted to laugh and hug you but that would have only encouraged you to come up with more such stories in the future. And so, you got a warning not to tell any more lies again. But, having said that, let me also tell you that you're nothing like what I was when I was a kid.

7. Hairstyles. I don't know why you think you have the most luxurious mane in the world, but darling you don't. Although I have to hand it over to you for style at the age of 4. I know you don't have enough faith in my style quotient (not that I blame you!) and you assume that your kiddy hairstyles are world-class, but they really are not. However, I do enjoy watching you take your ritual of brushing your hair and styling it so seriously, every day.

8. I love that you're not the clingy type and that you can manage just fine on your own without me. The first time you went to school and sat in the bus all by yourself I was half expecting and  hoping that you would cry for me. And when you didn't , part of me was so disappointed and the other half was so jubilant. If you are confident enough to sit in a bus with strangers you have just met and without a familiar face around at the age of four, you'll do just fine if you have to move to another city and live there when you're older.

9. I love watching you play by yourself. It's such a natural stressbuster that I don't know why I don't do it more often. The sounds that you make, the way you say 'Aiyyo', the imaginary conversations you have- these are a few of the things I wish I could lock up in my mind for always. Because these days will go away as you get bigger and by then you would have discovered the never ending fascination of video games and play stations. I think I've already unconsciously made the decision to keep you away from them for a while longer.

10. Each time I see you, I remember the 1 hour old infant who caught my little finger with both his hands. That one gesture said everything. I used to wonder why mothers cling to their children when they get married, but I've understood that it's something that is easier said than done. Although a mother may or may not say it, there is always the fear that a child may actually not need her someday. And then what is a mother to do? Although, if such a thing happens, it's actually a tribute to the mother's capabilities as a parent. But try telling that to any mother and I bet you she'll have immediate tears in her eyes. There's something nice about needing your mom even when you are independent enough. There's a clear reason why I still bug your grandma into making me tea every morning although it should ideally be the other way round. But, if its any comfort, I do make her breakfast every day.

11. I've rarely met people who can light up a room with their smile, a word or an action. Your Nikki Chech is one such person and so is your Uncle G. Sometimes, you look just like a ray of sunshine especially when you wear your yellow t-shirt and I pray that you'll always have a cheerful look on your face and flutter your long eye-lashes even when you grow older and you get a more realistic taste of what the world really is about.

12. You remind me of a French wine connoisseur every time you eat something tasty and close your eyes while simultaneously smiling and saying mmmmmmmm. Gordon Ramsay would be proud to know that you have such refined sensibilities and such mature taste-buds especially when it involves your mama's cooking.

13. Thankfully, you're getting tired of not getting your way each time you throw a tantrum and that makes it easier for me as a parent. Repeat for the 50th time- Tantrums are bad behavior!

14. Your love for books is undoubtedly from me. And thank God. Because I was seriously contemplating giving away my books to a charity drive or donate them to a school. But now since you already have a taste for the written word, there's a good chance that you'll develop it all your life as well. And anytime you feel like a good read, visit your mama's bookshelf. Each book there has a story of its own and is there for a reason.

In short, bringing you up is one of the hardest challenges I've ever taken up in life. Because I'm always worried if I'm doing it right. The nagging What if's just never let a mother's conscience rest in peace. On the other hand, you're also the sweetest. And the most fun. I can't tell you how glad I am that you know how to have fun and that you give the tightest and bestest hugs in the whole wide world.

Mmmmmmm Mangoes:-)

I dont have a favourite fruit. I like apples, grapes, pineapples and the occasional banana but mangoes are most certainly something else. Earlier, I used to grudgingly go through the fruit counter at our local supermarket in Singapore, knowing fully well that though they would have fruits from all over the world, they just wouldnt have the humble mango. And I've been proven right many a time.

This year, since I was in India I decided what the heck.. make up for all those years of smacking my lips at the thought of a juicy mango but having to do make do with some other fruit instead. And so it was with a huge smile on my face that I went to do some mango shopping recently. What I wasn't prepared for was the huge variety of that golden coloured fruit that seriously had me perplexed. From apoos to sindhuri to the small native kind, each variety has its own individual flavour, size and colour. I've been having plenty of fun trying out all the varieties available but so far apoos wins hands down.

I love my mangoes cold and as ripe as possible, yes even to the point where it isnt a piece anymore but a mushy slush. In my house, if there's anything tasty to eat, I first have to make sure my mum isnt around. Although I have to say that as far as the mango is concerned, my sister clearly proves that she's moms daughter! Usually the scenario goes something like this: ' Does anybody want a mango' I ask. ' No, mangoes give pimples' is what my mom and sister say. ' Well, ok then, here goes'. Thats when I sit down at our kitchen table looking at the cold sweet mango like one bite is going to take me straight to heaven. And just when I have cut a small piece and I close my eyes to relish every single bit of flavour, my mom has taken advantage of my weak moment and has cut herself a huge piece. And if you think my sister is any better, let me tell you that you are so wrong. In the end, my tummy may be satisfied but my soul simply isnt. And yes, I also wonder why the heck dont people say they want some mango when I asked in the first place??

I can think of so many rainy nights when a sexy mango would keep me company. How luscious and perfect it would look on the outside. And then I would cut it open to find that it had black fungus of some sort or had already become spoilt. I've chucked away probably 20 such mangoes ever since they were in season and while I should have learnt my lesson and looked the other way whenever I passed the fruit shop, I never learnt my lesson. Fortunately. So, dicing a mango I find is something like a lottery ticket or like Forrest Gump's mama once said- ' You never know what you're gonna get!'.

I was so thrilled to know that my child who hates 'vegebles' and fruits actually loved mango. And I was secretly thrilled that I could introduce him to this fantastic fruit. I even ventured to make some mango milkshake and a yummy mango vanilla pudding which was just divine. But, I think that the king of fruits tastes just fine on its own, which is why I dont think it needs any extra frills like milk, sugar or flour to keep it company.

And talking about my kid. He is getting so good at smiling and lying his way through, that I need some quick classes in how to handle 21st century kids. He has this habit of biting his nails and the last time I caught him in the act, he merely smiled and said that his tooth was coming loose. His charm seems to work for all the wrong reasons on my dad too. Considering that dad is so proud of our mini garden, I was sure my kid would be in the firing line if dad spotted him pulling down a few leaves with his umbrella. But no, my little boy managed just fine on his own. He turned around and told dad that the leaves were actually drinking water from his umbrella!! Dad smiles, shakes his head, and my kid wins hands down. 

Sigh! Why didn't I think of any of that when I was his age??

Starring my BOOK-STAND

Something strange is happening to me these days. A few months back, I was moaning about the lack of new books to read. And now that I have around 15 new works that are simply bawling for some attention from me ( and if you thought using the word bawling was an exaggeration, I swear it's not, because these books have simply jumped from my already stuffed book-shelf and have now invaded my cupboard. So on the last shelf where you ought to see some pretty clothes, you'll see Steve Jobs, Bill Bryson, Vinod Mehta and Anita Nair fighting for some breathing space :-) ). Now where was I? Yes, so like I was saying I'm honestly surprised at myself. I now have enough books to keep me company for the next 6 months but I don't feel like touching them. Instead, my eyes keep wandering to my book stand which is certain to fall down on me someday, if I add any more books there.

If there's one thing in my bedroom I'm supremely proud of, it's my book-stand. First of all, it was made from scratch at a time when carpenters actually used good quality wood to make furniture. Furniture from those bygone years really lasts and I find that furniture bought from retail stores these days just doesn't. This book-stand used to be placed in my grandfather's house in Mulund, Mumbai. Back then, my grandpa would proudly show off his collection of Osho books ( Lord knows why), his spanking new Encyclopedia Britannica collection and a few other works of fiction like the Arthur Conan Doyle collection of Sherlock Holmes stories. Although I never got around to reading Osho, I like to think that my off-beat taste in the written word comes from my grandfather. While my dad's dad liked such stuff, my mom's dad on the other hand preferred to stick to his Perry Mason mysteries and other thrillers.

The idea of my own book-stand proudly showing off my taste in books didn't occur to me until I went to a dear friend's house and spotted her small collection of books on a stand under the staircase. That's when it hit me- why not have my own collection of books, something that I can pass on someday to the next generation and something I can go back to now and then. I sometimes think that a good book is better than a husband- it's always there when you need it, no unnecessary talking and a good 9/10 chance of being really interesting. Sadly, I don't recall which is the first book I bought. But when I take a look at my book-stand, each book has its own special moment in time. There are books bought after long hours of browsing at Odyssey when I was doing my MBA in Hyderabad, there are books bought in Mumbai from Crossword, books bought off the street, quite a few bought online. Books I swore I would buy when I had more cash, a few books that I thought would be interesting but turned out to be so boring, books picked up from 50% off sales ( How I love a book sale), books that were purchased because they just had to be there, plenty of historical biographies and of course, many classics.


 What you won't find in my book-stand are books on spirituality and management. Sometimes, I think that I was the only MBA student back then in ICFAI who diligently stayed away from any book with the words ' Time Management,' Success', ' Habits', ' Winner', 'Succeed', 'Goals' and ' Fulfill' in its title. I just hated such books and still do. Nothing in the world can make me buy an Ed Bono book or works written by other writers in his league. Spiritual books are another waste of time according to me, because spirituality is something to discover within yourself- why should you have to listen to somebody else's lecture about it? But then again, that's just me!

Anyways... One look at my cherished books and my eyes fell on ' Shantaram'. I still remember buying this book one late evening in Mumbai, when my best friend and I were shopping at Shopper's Stop. Back then, this book cost 500/- and I had read so much about it. The cost of the book pinched of course, but I devoured it within days. And I remember enjoying that book quite a bit. Reading it all over again for the second time now, makes me realize how many words of wisdom are actually tucked away in every page. And I feel the same reverence for the writer as I did when I read the book for the first time. To be able to store all those memories safely in one's head and then while putting them down on paper years later, to be able to recollect those emotions and take the reader on a journey is nothing short of commendable to me.

I've started writing down atleast two lines of where I had bought my books, from last week. It's hard- I've forgotten many details as it is in the space of a few years, but I like to think that someday when my son picks up books from my sacred collection, that he will smile as he reads those few lines written in my handwriting. And that's what keeps me going :-)

And you thought gifting was easy!!

Well, now that my child's birthday party is finally done with, it's now time to sit on my bed, scratch my head and think about what to get my baby sister who turns 15 this year. Yes, you read that right. She turns FIFTEEN this year and there's a huge FIFTEEN year age gap between us. Which means I'm about to turn Thirrtty.. (wait a minute, why are we even going there? This blog post is about her not me!)


Anyways. like I said she turns 15 and as with most teenagers in this world, it's always nearly impossible to buy something that she will like and most importantly, wear! I used to snigger when she would say my folks are outdated, till she firmly stated that I belonged to the 10th century myself. Ever since then I've been walking around, with my head in the clouds and  feeling like I've just woken up from my teakwood coffin and by the time it's night again, I'm going to somehow squeeze into it once more. :-) Trust a teenager whose diapers I used to change ( oh those were the days!) to burst my hard bubble of newly gained confidence!!


Seriously, what gives teenagers the right to think that they know everything and more? When I hear my sister lecture, it's hard to believe that she is a good 15 years younger to me. She has an opinion about everything and believes firmly that everybody's lives would be better enriched if they just listened to  and followed her teenagey beliefs. For example, she tells me' Sis, never get married for anybody else. Get married for yourself.'!! where was this girl and her wisdom 5 years back I wonder. And, she is also my unofficial style guru. While I'm still happy to walk around in stretched jeans and kurtas, my little sister will show me how magical a dash of mascara and eye-shadow can be. Right now, she feels that boys are UGGHH although she is also the same creature who made me introduce her to a good looking neighbour at a wedding party!! And, horror of horrors, I've discovered that she currently has a thing for married men. Married men with kids!!! Fighting for top honours on her list are a certain Shah Rukh Khan and a Tamil actor called Surya who she swears is unbelievably handsome...

Having said that, she also made me feel oh so special when she showed me off to her friends at school ( I still don't know how I made it past the outdated humans club. Must have been a very thin line). May be it was because I listened to her advice and wore some mascara or what I don't know, but it made me feel like I've got to be somebody she looks up to all her life. That is, with the hope that she doesn't overshoot me by a few inches and lets me be the female giraffe of the family. Which brings us to the main concern I spouted in the first few lines- what do I give this 15 year old for her birthday? Something that doesn't bite, make her look like a banshee or which stays hidden in a corner of her enormous cupboard. Now I'm back to scratching my head!!

The mayhem at a 4 year old's birthday party!

I dread birthday parties to be honest. No, I love attending them but I just hate organizing one. No matter how many lists I draw up, websites I visit for ' Don't forget' tips or sleepless nights I spend, there will always be that one important thing I forget. Every SINGLE time.

Every year, after I host one, I secretly swear that it's the last birthday party. But when you have a kid who knows what he wants and has understood that birthday parties= presents which will keep him occupied for a month, it's only natural that he gets his way everytime. I've begin to note how my kid ( although I guess it happens with every kid), is getting extremely choosy about the kind of cake he wants and who he wants to call to his party.

Not that I have anything against this new hero who my kid simply idolizes, but Ben 10 is a mother's worst nightmare. Or maybe it's just me. Ever since my kid discovered this superhero kid with green eyes and a watch ( yes Ben 10 has a bloody expensive watch), he has been plaguing me with questions like:-

' Mama, I want green eyes also. Like Ben 10.'
' Mama, I want to fight aliens. Like Ben 10'.
' Mama, Ben 10's brother is called Sen 10'.
' Mama, I want to grow up and become like Ben 10'.

So, as you can imagine, I've begin to dread taking my kid to toy shops. Because, somewhere, hidden from my view, will be Ben 10 in full glory. And even if my myopic eyes take 2 hours to scent out Ben 10, you can bet that my kid does it in under 5 minutes. And so, my kid is now the proud owner of 3 Ben 10 t-shirts, a Ben 10 watch, a Ben 10 phone, a Ben 10 ball and possibly in the near future- a Ben 10 hairdo!!

Now as if my life wasn't already complicated enough, my kid gave me the additional challenge of- yes, a Ben 10 cake for his party. If this was Mumbai, Delhi or any other metro, I wouldn't have thought twice. This being Cochin, where everybody orders their birthday cakes from either Hit Breads( by the way, they haven't added anything new to their catalogue. They still have the same cakes my kid sister used to order when she was a kid) and of course, Cocoa Tree. Now both of them don't do Ben 10 cakes. Hmmmm, possibly because they like seeing mums like me beg and beg just so that they get to say a ' No, madam, we sorry.' Me too. So, since I had embarked on a Ben 10 cake hunt, I had to also report dutifully to my son. ' Darling, mama not getting Ben 10 anywhere, can we have a Spider man cake?'. To which he says' But I want Ben 10 cake no? You said Ben 10 no?' and he gives me that puppy dog look which I can never say no to. And so, the hunt for Ben 10's cake ( no wonder I hate that guy so much now) would begin all over again!

Finally, finally I spotted one lady who apparently has introduced the idea of photo cakes in Cochin. And what a heart attack I had when even 2 days prior to the party, I was unable to get through to her to order my cake. And when I finally did, it was with a sigh of relief that in spite of the high price, I could walk away with the reassurance that the cake would taste good but more importantly, feature Ben 10 doing what other normal kids never get to do- shoot aliens!!

I can't tell you how many nights I sat up trying to figure out the right games to have for the party. When I googled ' party games for pre-schoolers', almost all the sites advised having active games as opposed to saner games which require the kids to sit down and play. Probably not much fun for the little ones, but it's probably the only time when the mums get to hear each other talk as well. Anyways, I had finally narrowed it down to musical chairs, pinning the nose on Mickey and a spot of bowling. However, when D-Day did come, I realised that all the kids needed was a play area with a swing, a slide and a few cars and they were good to go. There wasn't any need to have the games at all!! Although I did feel like a fool for having planned so much and too much, it felt good to hear the kids screaming, running, popping balloons and giving other customers a scare now and then.

After the few hours that seem to last a lifetime are done, I turn to my kid and ask- 'Did you have a good time?' And it's when he says 'Yes, mama' and hugs me that it makes all that planning so worth it. But like I said, I swore to myself- ' Never again'. I know my kid better. Next year, he will have a longer list of must-have's for his party and by then am guessing and hoping that Ben 10 will be replaced by another hunkier and chunkier superhero who's somewhat my age!!

@ Raji( I hope you read this because I thought and thought about a good description for you. To me, you're like a shooting star in a navy blue sky. Dont ask me why, it's just the first thing that popped in my head :-))