What Pain do you Want THE MOST?

I read a great article of late by a guy called Mark Manson. Truth be told, I hadn't even heard about Mark, till a dear childhood pal put up a link to an article that Mark wrote, on Facebook (see? FB can be mighty useful for things other than for postings selfies!). Writers especially THINKING writers love to spew out their gyaan on this and that and I wasn't expecting anything different from Mr. Mark here. But this guy got me thinking with his article here.

And not that I'm some extraordinarily intelligent human (although I like to wake up and tell myself that every morning solely for egoistic purposes!) but I'm the person who expressed bitter disappointment when I searched high and low for fiction or biographical works in the ICFAI, Hyderabad library only to be accosted with multiple copies of Edward Bono, Stephen Covey, Kotler and the like. I remember telling Thomas, a good friends, back then that 'there was nothing to read in the library', to which he said ' It's a management school Sanjana, what were you expecting?'. Would it have been out of place to say that a few works by Jane Austen wouldn't have hurt? Yes, I think it would have been.

So, now that you get my drift about how allergic I am to management books from anywhere in the world and in general to books that tell me how I should live, what I should do with my time, how to feel better, how not to screw up so that I feel better, blah blah, it was nothing short of a personal miracle that I actually read through Manson's article not once but twice and started to ponder over what he had just written.

'There's no shortcut to happiness' and a dozen other proverbs and wise sayings have been penned about how nothing is every easy in life and how you have to slog by default to make your dreams a reality. Nothing wrong with that harsh yet realistic statement because it's simply the truth. But it's the question that Manson asks- ' What is the pain that you want to sustain'? which has taken me two weeks to answer.

The few things that I am willing to suffer pain for are :

1. Gabriel: My first-born. My son. My monkey. My mini-me. My little wunderkid. And my forever baby boy. Simply because I took an oath which simply said that I would do my best in all ways to bring him up the right way and to be there with him and for him always. Because, someday, more than watching him become a doctor or an engineer with oodles of money to spend, I want to watch him become a gentleman who knows how to respect everybody from the beggar on the street to the president of the country and women in particular. And, I have no right to call myself his mother if I didn't rank being a good person and a great friend much higher than a career calling. So, through all the temper tantrums, the hurtful moments when tears well up in my eyes and a 100 other possible agonies that await me as he becomes a teenager and then an adult, he is the only one so far for whom I am willing to suffer for.

2. Writing: My calling. My livelihood. My raison d'etre. And probably the only voice in my head that's stayed strong through the years. I would be lying if I said that I wake up everyday with a fresh idea in my head that's bursting to get out, because I don't. And there are those other miserable days when I have a dozen things to say and the words don't come out right or the willpower is simply too weak. But on the days that mind, body and soul come together to create a piece out of a few alphabets, that's when I feel the most satisfied. Like I had just nourished a very deep yet important part of me and I had done it in the best nourishing way possible. How good or bad a writer I am is left to your judgement, but all the same, writing manifests itself in my life in many ways- from writing my diary to writing articles for clients to occasional rants on my blog. Each is different from the other and yet each is important in its own way.

3. Learning: Because there is something new to learn everyday and I would be a very poor person for it if I ever thought I had learnt enough and didn't need anymore knowledge. And also because, you are only as interesting as what you know. I love learning something new about people, trivia, something else that can help me in some way etc. I have a long list of certain other 'things' I would like to learn or be a part of, such as- attend classes on the works of Shakespeare, learn how to paint, learn more languages, or in my case even learn how to drive without giving pedestrians the feeling that I have been sent from the Angel of Death himself :-). Feeble humour apart, I'm willing to invest in myself. In my learning. For my knowledge.

And the last would be- a place to call my own. A library where my books touch the ceiling, with comfy leather sofas laid out just for me with the radio playing all day long. And where my laptop is placed just in front of the window so that fresh sunshine and the world outside give me all the inspiration I need. A kitchen stocked with all the latest gadgets and which smells of baking cakes and other treats anytime you step in. A cosy bedroom with a bed that makes me want to dive in and which is the safest place on earth.

So, here's my list. What's on yours?