What Pain do you Want THE MOST?

I read a great article of late by a guy called Mark Manson. Truth be told, I hadn't even heard about Mark, till a dear childhood pal put up a link to an article that Mark wrote, on Facebook (see? FB can be mighty useful for things other than for postings selfies!). Writers especially THINKING writers love to spew out their gyaan on this and that and I wasn't expecting anything different from Mr. Mark here. But this guy got me thinking with his article here.

And not that I'm some extraordinarily intelligent human (although I like to wake up and tell myself that every morning solely for egoistic purposes!) but I'm the person who expressed bitter disappointment when I searched high and low for fiction or biographical works in the ICFAI, Hyderabad library only to be accosted with multiple copies of Edward Bono, Stephen Covey, Kotler and the like. I remember telling Thomas, a good friends, back then that 'there was nothing to read in the library', to which he said ' It's a management school Sanjana, what were you expecting?'. Would it have been out of place to say that a few works by Jane Austen wouldn't have hurt? Yes, I think it would have been.

So, now that you get my drift about how allergic I am to management books from anywhere in the world and in general to books that tell me how I should live, what I should do with my time, how to feel better, how not to screw up so that I feel better, blah blah, it was nothing short of a personal miracle that I actually read through Manson's article not once but twice and started to ponder over what he had just written.

'There's no shortcut to happiness' and a dozen other proverbs and wise sayings have been penned about how nothing is every easy in life and how you have to slog by default to make your dreams a reality. Nothing wrong with that harsh yet realistic statement because it's simply the truth. But it's the question that Manson asks- ' What is the pain that you want to sustain'? which has taken me two weeks to answer.

The few things that I am willing to suffer pain for are :

1. Gabriel: My first-born. My son. My monkey. My mini-me. My little wunderkid. And my forever baby boy. Simply because I took an oath which simply said that I would do my best in all ways to bring him up the right way and to be there with him and for him always. Because, someday, more than watching him become a doctor or an engineer with oodles of money to spend, I want to watch him become a gentleman who knows how to respect everybody from the beggar on the street to the president of the country and women in particular. And, I have no right to call myself his mother if I didn't rank being a good person and a great friend much higher than a career calling. So, through all the temper tantrums, the hurtful moments when tears well up in my eyes and a 100 other possible agonies that await me as he becomes a teenager and then an adult, he is the only one so far for whom I am willing to suffer for.

2. Writing: My calling. My livelihood. My raison d'etre. And probably the only voice in my head that's stayed strong through the years. I would be lying if I said that I wake up everyday with a fresh idea in my head that's bursting to get out, because I don't. And there are those other miserable days when I have a dozen things to say and the words don't come out right or the willpower is simply too weak. But on the days that mind, body and soul come together to create a piece out of a few alphabets, that's when I feel the most satisfied. Like I had just nourished a very deep yet important part of me and I had done it in the best nourishing way possible. How good or bad a writer I am is left to your judgement, but all the same, writing manifests itself in my life in many ways- from writing my diary to writing articles for clients to occasional rants on my blog. Each is different from the other and yet each is important in its own way.

3. Learning: Because there is something new to learn everyday and I would be a very poor person for it if I ever thought I had learnt enough and didn't need anymore knowledge. And also because, you are only as interesting as what you know. I love learning something new about people, trivia, something else that can help me in some way etc. I have a long list of certain other 'things' I would like to learn or be a part of, such as- attend classes on the works of Shakespeare, learn how to paint, learn more languages, or in my case even learn how to drive without giving pedestrians the feeling that I have been sent from the Angel of Death himself :-). Feeble humour apart, I'm willing to invest in myself. In my learning. For my knowledge.

And the last would be- a place to call my own. A library where my books touch the ceiling, with comfy leather sofas laid out just for me with the radio playing all day long. And where my laptop is placed just in front of the window so that fresh sunshine and the world outside give me all the inspiration I need. A kitchen stocked with all the latest gadgets and which smells of baking cakes and other treats anytime you step in. A cosy bedroom with a bed that makes me want to dive in and which is the safest place on earth.

So, here's my list. What's on yours?

Generation X may not be as vella as you think!

Talking about Shuddh Desi Romance- I honestly expected more from this movie. This playing hide and seek when it comes to love funda just doesn't appeal to me at all. Either you say yes or you say no. But the movie did get the general indecisiveness that is common with quite a few youth spot-on. Inability to make decision apart, it was a tad disheartening to see that a good number of the youth don't really think about how they want to make their money; all they know for sure is that they want pot loads of it (according to a recent nation wide poll conducted last month). So, just when I was ready to get all judgmental and state that this country is never going to get anywhere if this is how Generation X thinks, that the youth threw up quite a few surprises.

The Times Youth Brigade for starters. Even if just a handful of the original number of applicants actually made it to the final few, the fact that so many youngsters were eager to come forward and do something useful with their time tells me that they may not be as 'I-give-a-damn' as I think. Or maybe as a lot of people think. On RTI Day, it was heartening to see the way so many youngsters actually sat down cross-legged and sprawled on the floors of the many RTI offices spread across the country. Why, you may ask? Because they were there to file RTI's and to get answers to a hell lot of questions. Questions that maybe have popped up in yours and my head, but about which we didn't care enough to do anything about.

And I was wrong if I was living with the assumption that the youth in Kochi only care about drugs, booze and rock n roll. On Monday, when there was a state wide hartal put into effect, a group of youngsters and professionals got together to play good samaritans to tourists and travellers who were otherwise stranded on the roads. With stickers that proudly declared ' Say NO to hartal', theirs were the only vehicles on  otherwise empty streets. And no, they weren't scared about what the cops or other party workers would do. That's because they were mentally ready to take them on.

I've read articles written by tourists who visited India for the first time and said that this country never ceases to surprise them. Just when you think that nothing is well in India and probably will never be, she smiles and pulls out yet another ace from her pack of ready cards. All I can say is that as long as the youth never lose the sight and feel of their conscience, this country is in much safer hands than we imagined earlier. Jai Hind!

On once turning 18...... and many other things

'Outlook' celebrated its 18th anniversary last week and what a read the magazine turned out to be. For starters, the mag  went to real 18 year olds and captured their views on being 18 and on what the future held for them. Well, it's very nice to see youngsters who want to make a difference in a world that largely doesn't really care anymore and that is also becoming darker by the day. But what really surprised me were the many tales that established Indian writers like Chetan Bhagat, Jerry Pinto, Anita Nair and many more had to say about turning 18. It wasn't that they had a whole repertoire of mind boggling stories to tell, but it was the fact that they actually remembered how it felt to turn 18. Thing is (blush, blush) I cannot remember how it felt to turn 18 for me at all!

Why is it that I don't remember feeling extra special on the day I became a major? Probably because I wasn't even aware of my rights then? Maybe because there really isn't much mischief you can get away with when you are in your first year BA and still living with your parents? I don't know. But, I'm glad to say that although amnesia has robbed me of my 18 year old memories, I remember plenty from the years that came after.

And after talking to other mums on the subject, I have come to the conclusion that society is generally after couples to have kids as early as possible only because they want us to experience what they went through raising us! My mother actually giggles shamelessly when my son gives me one of his looks and demands to know 'Exactly what have you done for me in life?' The first time he asked me that, I assumed that one week build-up of ear-wax had led me to hear the question all wrong. But my little terror was kind enough to repeat the question all over again, word for word. Till I looked at my mom, giggling away behind the newspaper saying  'And life comes a full circle'! If this isn't a universe-al act of revenge, I swear it I don't know what is!!

It's my that favourite time of the year- when Christmas is near and my phone is already showing off lovely Xmas wallpapers. Now it's time for me to whip out pen and paper and make a long list of presents to buy for the family. When my kid asked me what I would be giving him, I replied 'All my love', to which he said he preferred toys instead :-( My 16 year old bratty catty sister who once used to be an ultra cute walking bundle of fat (and she can no longer lay claim to that title either!) tells me she doesn't really need anything, but she still wouldn't mind a present or two! This time however, I will make the added effort of wrapping up the presents really nicely in gift wrapping paper because there's still something nice about seeing unrestrained excitement no matter how old or young the brat is. :-)

No, I a'int done yet

With entertaining, confusing, irritating and informing all you lovely readers out there. And as in the words of The Terminator: I shall be back. Wait up, was it him or Godzilla who said that now? Serious confusion !!

A fetish or a secret love... but it's not what you think!

(Thankyou http://primitive-art.deviantart.com)


I'm guilty of  a secret double romance. And their names are  Flipkart & Uread.

True, as is the nature of human beings, I did get pissed off with both my loves especially since they had this annoying habit of sending me my purchases one after the other and not as a single package as I had instructed. However, after a few words went flying about and I threatened both of them that I would find another website that knew how to follow a customer's precise instructions ( How I love the Internet!!), somehow everything just fell into place! So, in case you felt that customer service was long gone and buried 12 feet under, let me tell you that putting down your actual thoughts in a feedback form may just be the lacking magical touch.

Anyways. I used to wonder what people loved about sitting like dorks at their laptops and purchasing anything and everything from underwear to upholstery. Till, I painfully admitted to myself that even though I love book-stores, the soaring rates of books on the whole was making it just too difficult for a bookworm like me who loves to read and is on a mission to own the largest library (atleast in my colony!), to make this dream a reality. And that dangerous thought entered my brain- ' Could it be possible, that maybe I just may find the books I want at a discounted rate?' And that's how Uread.com came into my life.

There's something even more mesmerizing about surfing the site. I feel like a little girl lost in an actual world of books. One click and you can add a title to your wishlist, another click and it's in your purchase cart, a final click and it's on its way to your doorstep. What's there not to love? And since I have a problem of staying loyal to brands, I decided to check out Flipkart for myself. Yes, the fact that they had such cute ads on TV featuring little kids won my heart! And if Uread.com was Disney World, then Flipkart was half of America. Yes, hypocrite that I am, I used to giggle at the thought of people buying creams and hair- dryers and belts and bags and laptops on this site till I realized that the day was coming, when I too would be guilty of the same.

What is it about the power of online shopping that's such a magnetic force? Is it that one gets to be lazy and shop at the same time? Is it because Uread doesnt care if I haven't brushed my teeth or that I'm looking at new releases in my last night's nightie? Or is that one actually gets to look at so many brands all under one roof without having to shop at multiple places? I think it's probably a weird sense of power in a way, at least for me.

And as with all things that secretly radiate a spell of power, I find that of late I spend almost every day with both these loves of mine. I simply enjoy going through all the titles on display and adding them to my wishlists. And I have more than 40 titles in each wishlist that I would love to add to my library someday. No, I can't afford to buy them right now, but someday if I do win the lottery or find a treasure chest of green notes, at least I won't have any trouble thinking about where I should spend it !! Seeing my wishlist gives me something higher to aim for, and I'm thinking of what I can do to earn a bit more so that I still have my eye-sight when my library becomes a reality. But for now, online book surfing is a secret love that doesn't look like it's going to go away anytime soon. After all, it would be termed cruel on my part to dump both my new loves, wouldn't it?